If you didn't have a sense of humour.....

[lifelinking]

you shouldn't have invented God.



Today's Maths Lesson

Fundamentalists: believe 2+2 =5 because It Is Written. Somewhere. They have a lot of trouble on their tax returns.

"Moderate" believers: live their lives on the basis that 2+2=4. but go regularly to church to be told that 2+2 once made 5, or will one day make 5, or in a very real and spiritual sense should make 5.

"Moderate" atheists: know that 2+2 =4 but think it impolite to say so too loudly as people who think 2+2=5 might be offended.

"Militant" atheists: "Oh for fucksake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?"

[lifelinking]

an oldie, but a goldie...

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

[lifelinking]

ok, just one more...

Last time I went to see my GP, I was in the waiting room when I saw a nun come out of the GP's room, looking ashen, drawn and haggard. It was my turn next and I said to the GP: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse." He said: "I just told her that she is pregnant." I said, "OMG - is she really?" The doctor said, "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."